Mitigating the Danger in Husbands Staying Out of Job for More Than Six Months
Being jobless is one of the worst nightmares husbands constantly dread throughout their working life cycles.
The consequences of married men languishing in the ‘wilderness’ of unemployment are just so dire and scary.
Suicides, domestic violence, homicides, traffic accidents, severe depression and mental breakdown are just a few of these.
Judging from the overwhelming flurry of problems emanating from most homes where husbands have been unemployed for over six months, it’s apparent there’s a serious need for all men to have a grasp of the danger inherent in that state and be empowered to effectively manage the situation; should they find themselves in that situation.
The first thing a husband whose romance with joblessness has exceeded the six-month mark needs to understand is that his wife’s patience and tolerance is wearing thin and at its elastic limit. An erosion of her respect for him may naturally follow.
The wife who probably now shoulders hundred percent of the family’s financial responsibilities after the total depletion of the unemployed husband’s savings (that’s if he had any savings in the first place) groans under the huge financial burden.
With her new status as the family’s bread winner, the quality and standard of her personal life automatically depreciates. Her taking over of the responsibilities her husband used to perform, such as paying the children’s school fees, bills, home needs and home repairs, leaves her with less cash to take care of her personal needs.
The implication is: She can’t go for that $250 hairstyle any longer; she can’t afford to spend $850 on her beauty products anymore and a host of other personal needs. Her friends notice this and voice it out. She soon starts seeing her husband as the one responsible for her predicament and begins to resent him subconsciously. The rate at which this resentment builds up depends largely on how the husband responds and manages the situation.
There is Need for Change
One of the critical conditions for peace to continue to reign in such a home is for the husband to compensate for his wife’s new found huge financial burden by taking up a greater share of the home chores.
In a home where the house chores was shared in a 50:50 percentage before the husband’s economic misfortune, the husband must now take up at least seventy percent. Anything less than this is a recipe for problems. As the wife’s financial responsibilities increase, there’s a need for her to experience some relief in her domestic duties.
This may be a very bitter pill to swallow for men with ego issues but there’s no way around it; no shortcuts. You just have to increase your domestic obligation to help cushion the increased physical and psychological financial weight on your wife’s neck. And you should be strategic about it.
Everyone has at least one chore they hate. For example, mine is ironing clothes. I hate it with a passion.
This is the time to take over those house chores your wife hates. You can be sure this will relieve and make her happy; invariably psychologically mitigating the impact of the huge financial weight she’s shouldering.
However, you shouldn’t turn yourself into her slave. Needless to say, you should carry out these tasks with dignity since you don’t plan to remain jobless indefinitely.
Show Her More Affection
If you used to call your wife by her first name or something like Paul’s mother, then this is the time to get lovey-dovey.
It’s not an abomination to start calling her such pet names like Honey, Sweetie, Soul Mate, Sugarcane, Coconut candy etc.
She needs to feel more loved and appreciated at this period. You need to bombard and keep her mind engaged with your love to prevent her thoughts drifting towards your present state and its effect on the family.
Call her during her lunch breaks, send romantic messages, write an original love poem and slip it in her bag on her way to work and hug her warmly at every opportunity. This will have her distracted and prevent her resentment at your state of joblessness from building up to a dangerous level.
Again, a line of caution: Over doing things will lead to irritation and suspicion, which is ultimately counter-productive.
Take Positive Action
You don’t want to remain jobless forever, do you?
No matter how religiously you apply the steps outlined above, you can’t escape being eventually labeled a ‘useless’ man if you remain jobless for too long- say over three years.
You need to convince your wife you are not comfortable being financially impotent and jobless.
It’s time to intensify your job hunting; while regular updates on your progress should be made to your wife.
This advice should be taken very seriously: If you are unable to secure a job commensurate to your level of experience and qualification, by all means, take up a manageable one below your status. It doesn’t matter if the salary is half or a third of what you earned in your previous job. It could even be a contract job as long as the pay is not outrightly ridiculous.
This will send a strong signal to your wife that you are resilient and industrious. And of course, your respect and prestige as a man which had been dealt a fatal blow and probably in a state of coma, will gradually be resuscitated.
Who says you can’t sweep your wife off her feet with the little you earn? You don’t need to be Aliko Dangote before you can spoil her.
Target those things she cherishes most that you can afford and buy them for her. Things like her favorite soap, under wear, cologne and others within your financial reach.
I’m yet to meet a woman that hates ice-cream or chocolates or some fresh yoghurt. Don’t hesitate to buy these things and her best snacks on a weekly basis.
Taking her out for dinner might not be a bad idea. And of course, if you can afford a small vacation, all the better.
With the current unpredictability of the world’s economic climate, there’s every likelihood more men will continue to be hauled to the ‘wilderness’ of unemployment.
The unsavory fate that’s bound to befall a soldier who goes to war and strays into enemy territory without his firearms and body armor, is similar to the terrible fate that lies in ambush for a clueless husband who’s suddenly thrown into the unemployment market.
It is absolutely imperative for all men to be prepared and fortified with the necessary knowledge and resources to mitigate the danger inherent in being out of job for over six months.